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Secrets

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I’ve practically lost my mind, haven’t i? Have I become more of the person I said I’d never be. Most of you know the feeling of chasing after a love you may never attain. But how far do we go? The ones who really love us… Do they ask us to fight for them? Or do they make every moment with you count. But nothing is perfect, is it? These matters of course concern me. For the first time I begged… I begged a man to stay. And I have to tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so low. What has got me beyond distressed is hearing words I never thought I’d hear from you, I’m unsure about you… I could never marry you, I just don’t care anymore. These phrases plague my mind. I once dreamed of a beautiful wedding, a family, happiness. Now I can’t even think of what to look forward to in life anymore. I’m sure this sounds like teenage drama. But I’m hurting. How do you pull through? How can he see me for what I see in him? How can I get him to show me patience and understanding and not leave me when things get rough. I can’t even speak with family and friends about what I feel, because I don’t want anyone to get a bad impression of him. When I first met him, he showed me kindness, he exhibited strength- both physically and mentally. He gave me a reason to believe that I should be treated like the amazing woman I am. And only one person could compliment that side of me… Him, with his compassion, and sense of morality. I know not everyone is perfect, but I can’t help feeling like I just don’t compare. Like I’m just not good enough. I just want to feel loved again and valued. I just want to feel like I have some meaning in his life. For now. Wishful thinking.